When I sat down for the Monday Morning meeting, the first thing discussed was the high probability of lockdown getting extended. Not a great way to start the week, eh?
I tried to push the speculative news aside, along with the thought that I most probably won’t see my parents nor go on Kumano Kodo pilgrimage this year.
Instead, I spent the day working, reading a few pages from the boring CPA textbook, running, practising yoga for runners, texting friends and gentle journaling.
Some highlights of the day include bed coffee, payday (I pulled the King of Pentacles), cozying up on the sofa with Fafa and watching The Vanishing at the Cecil Hotel on Netflix, the smell of the burning candle ━ a gift from Jik, getting a package and Wood Frog’s pumpkin seed sliced bread.
Happy Valentine‘s Day! It’s the second day of the third lockdown. Gah! As soon as I typed it, I realised how polarising those two first two sentences were. Alas, both are valid.
My morning routine stays the same ━ bed coffee, morning journal and tarot cards.
Today’s card was The Hermit. I also pulled another card to honour Valentine’s day and wrote a semi-lengthy journal about it. I continued with yoga, short exercise and a 5km run at the Albert Park, which thankfully is still within the 5km limit set by the government.
We then stopped by the South Melbourne Market where I got free-range eggs, honey-lemon potion, pumpkin-seed bread, and other things to make a typical Aussie brunch menu: chill scrambled eggs on toasts with smashed-avo on the side.
I quickly prep the food back home, declaring it as Valentine’s day meal made with lots of love when I served it to Fafa. He got me a bunch of gorgeous pink tulips and pre-ordered a tarot deck (I KNOW!) for Valentine, the least I could do was to cook the man a warm meal.
After lunch, Fafa went to study to read up on his upcoming project while I did a bit of reading. Then I started watching Contagion and dozed off half-way before waking up to Fafa sitting beside me, watching the finale of Your Honor.
There is nothing much to share about the lockdown nor my feelings about it, except maybe it looks like it’s going to last more than five days which gives me a bit of anxiety. But I have decided no point in dwelling about it today and ruin my restful Sunday.
Before I leave for the day, let me share one of my favourite poetry about love by one of my favourite poet, Bianca Sparacino:
My god, I hope you find love. And I don’t just mean that in regards to someone you wrap your tired bones around at night. I mean that I hope you find love in every aspect of your life. I hope you find it tucked into early morning sunrises, and the smell of your favourite places. I hope you find it strung between the laughter you share with your friends, I hope it bounces off of you when you hug the people you care for, I hope it swells within your ribcage whenever you hear your favourite song, or discover something that moves you. I hope you fall in love with growth, and change, and the messiness and the beauty of fucking up, and making mistakes, and becoming exactly who you want to be. I hope you find love in places that were once void of it, in places within yourself that you could have been softer to, kinder to, in the past. Because if there is one thing I have learned, it is that love is so much more than a boy, or a girl, who holds your heart. Love is everything around you. It is everything.
I truly hope you had a love filled Valentine day. Sending you virtual blessings and love 💌.
I haven’t been writing for a week here, the longest period since I started this blog last year. I am feeling a wee bit of a writer-FOMO, so here are some random observations I noted down in the journal recently —
I use a 400-page black Moleskine to journal. It was a birthday gift from Fafa. At first, I thought it would be my annual journal. But now, only five months in and having used up 3/4 of it, I think I will be getting myself a new journal for my half-birthday in March.
One of the reasons that I haven’t been writing much on the blog is because I am hitting a tarot-reading wall. For some reason, I have been feeling a little less excited about journaling about tarot recently. Not sure whether I am even allowed to say that, but that’s the truth. I have come up with solutions, though. I have started journaling tarot with prompts given by the Moon Void Tarot‘s creator, Stefanie Caponi to honor the Aquarius season (my Moon sign).
I also bought another tarot deck—my first-quarter purchase (hey, I lasted 20 days! Now, I have to go through the next 70-something days without buying another deck). It’s the Fifth Spirit Tarot which sits on top of my 2021 tarot deck list. Yesterday, I saw that Two Sided Tarot has it listed on their website and with only AUD10 shipping, I knew I shouldn’t wait any longer.
One last thing about tarot: I am looking for a tarot deck with continuity or a similar theme throughout the deck. The Moon Void Tarot deck has been the closest I’ve got, but the non-human court-cards broke the singular theme thing that it had going for it.
Even though I haven’t been writing much here, I have been compiling random notes I wrote here and there — paper and digital — into my Day One App. Maybe I can share some of the not-super-boring ones here?
Also, even though I haven’t been writing much, I have been running. I registered for a measly 10km run in October. That gets me going. I am clocking in 3km every run, but with an embarrassing pace to be shared here.
The last best coffee I had was well, not a coffee. We went to Brunswick last weekend to feast on a crab at Miss Katie’s Crab Shack. On the way back, we stopped at one of my favourite coffee shops in Melbourne for some sit-down coffee chai.
This month, I dreamt of Fafa bringing and or showing me a ladybug. Twice. Google told me that it’s a symbol of good luck.
This week, I tried a new Thai dish called Hor Mok for the first time. It’s steamed fish cooked with coconut cream, curry and basil leaf served banana leaf cup. I ordered it because it reminded me of Kerala Meen Pollichathu, but it tasted closer to Cambodian Fish Amok.
Yesterday, I found out that all this while I have been cooking and eating butter that has expired in 2019.
Today, I woke up reminiscing about my Uni time. Jik and I used to sneak into each others class. Even though we majored in different subjects and went to different Universities. And hers was more fun than my boring Accounting lectures. Then, I realized that taking up CPA is like adopting the worst part of schooling-the studying and exam parts. Ugh!
I realize more and more that I am a creature of routines and rituals. So instead of ignoring it, I should use those things as a foundation of my daily life.
I took off today (hence the happy part of the earlier greeting) to read and write which I didn’t do until 11 AM because I was watching 73 Things You Missed in Final Destination 2 (2003) — adding zero value to my life.
Alas, I managed to muster enough discipline cells to close my laptop and turn on my Kindle to continue reading Buy Yourself the F*cking Lilies.
One page in, the author gave a test:
Right now, write down then things you like about yourself.
Paragraph 1 Chapter 3 Part 2 of Buy Yourself the F*cking Lilies: And Other Rituals to Fix Your Life, from Someone Who’s Been There by Tara Schuster.
She acknowledged that it could be a daunting challenge, but to do it anyway.
I decided to one-up her test by not only coming up with the ten things but also sharing it here with you. By which I am hoping you would indulge Tara and me by writing your version of the things you like about yourself. It matters not how many (three or ten) nor where (here, online or in your secret diary), try to write it as soon as you can without overthinking about it.
Here is mine:
I am good with directions.
and in Maths.
I strive to grow and keep learning.
I am pretty independent.
I am open-minded.
I am adaptable – a trait I build from migrating to Jakarta then Singapore then Melbourne.
I am curious by nature.
I enjoy my own company.
I can eat and enjoy food without an ounce of guilt.
I don’t care much about people’s opinion about me. Case in point: I am writing about ten things I like about myself on a Monday morning and share it on the internet.
Writing the above list reminded me of what Adrienne from Yoga’s Adrienne said in at least two of her videos that I watch the most:
I woke up with my mind spilling out ideas on things to write.
From having invented my own words throughout my life, to how daylight savings is stupid because we all have an alarm on our phone now. As do the farmers. Also, daylight savings always makes me feel bad as it metaphorically pushes me further away from my parents and family back home.
I had other things I thought about while brushing my teeth but it’s gone now. This personal blog makes me want to update every single thought that I have had that I find slightly fascinating or record worthy. Like I want to record the past 20 years of my thoughts.
Anyway, I think the reason I have so many things I want to write about is because I have unlocked the next level of writing. By re-stating a personal blog, which I kept in the early 2000s but abandoned thanks to the rise of SEO gurus.
I forgot how great of an ally a personal blog can be. Keeping it is equivalent to stretching in a hot yoga class on a particularly chill winter evening. It feels so good, both while doing it and the after effect.
And these past few days I felt exactly that.
Even better, because I have done it before so I knew how it felt. Now doing it again feels like amping up my self-care act.
The years in between? Well, remembering what Nora Ephron said about the personal blog:
A blog is a sort of like an exhale.
It did feel like I was holding my breath. For the longest time. I should be surprised that I didn’t pass out, figuratively speaking. Or maybe I did, again figuratively speaking, just that I didn’t acknowledge it.