Diary

Covid Diary: Panic Attack

I suddenly am terrified for wasting months of my Covid life. The thoughts of:

What the f have I done so far during the pandemic?

This question and the same type of thoughts keep coming into my mind. Also, truly, what the F??? What the f have I been doing??! How is maintaining diary not helping? How have I progressed in life?!

Earlier, sitting down on the bathroom floor being so f-ing scared of what the f have I done for the past months, I thought I was going to have a full-blown panic attack.

I haven’t got anything much to prove that I have made a good life out of the lock-down months!

I am so terrified. Scared! It feels like I have been holding my breath for too long.

Like I have wasted so much putting my attention only on the bad stuff, being negative about Covid, focusing on the wrong things. Not realising good things about Covid from not commuting, spending quality time with Fafa, staying in during Winter, all the extra money and hours saved to name some.

How can I rectify this? How can I make squeeze a six months worth of supposed to be gratitude???? F!!!!!!! I want to enjoy this pandemic. How the f do I do it??!! I don’t want to waste any more of my time not joie de vivre ing life…

F-itty f f.

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