Musings

Milogate

There is an ongoing crisis in the office. Let’s call it Milogate.

Milogate started when the Human resource ordered too much Milo. 8 boxes of 24 packets, 1 kg each, of Milo. All expiring in just two months’ time. 5000 glasses. That’s a lot of Milo to be shared among colleagues and I have only seen three people drinking Milo in the office, two HR ladies, and what-is-his-name from another department.

Not everyone in the office knows about this yet, but the ones who know about it, are treating this as a big crisis. I only knew about this because the so-called problem has been brought to the attention of our head of finance, my manager, who signed the Milo cheque. Later she informed our Director who signed the purchase order of eight boxes of Milo and finally to our CEO, because well who else is left to be informed about the issue. Surprisingly, this time he didn’t scream at how stupid we are; instead he only said to fix the problem.

When I first heard about it, I gave a full 5 minutes of attention and went back to my excel sheet, not before I gave them a suggestion (yeah, I came up with a solution that very second, I am a genius in difficult situations). I told them why don’t they give a few packets to each of us? …the hardworking people of the company. We can bring it home, give it to our families or share it with neighbors (Hey neighbors, see how much I love you, I want to bring Milo back from office for you). But no, apparently giving away to your employees instead of letting it go bad wasn’t a good idea, they didn’t agree. Okay then.

Now it has grown into a topic, theme, and lunchtime jokes. So what is the solution? All, those who knew were wondering while some tried to come up with solutions. The first idea was that we should hide coffee and tea from the office pantry and replace it with jars of Milo. The reason being was that if they can’t see coffee or tea in front of their eyes they will give-in to drinking Milo; therefore we can finish it sooner. The first idea was executed last week. I kid you not, we are conditioned to drink Milo. I have been dozing off at 3 pm every day. Post-lunch drowsiness and they want me to drink Milo? Why don’t they give me a pillow also? The good part was that I wasn’t the only one refusing to drink whatever kept in our eyes sight. No, Milo was not finishing as fast as we expected. We weren’t Pavlov’s dogs.

Since the first brilliant idea wasn’t working as expected, we gathered to brainstorm to solve this emerging crisis. Few of us, the ones who knew sat in the pantry discussing it. Well, they discussed, I just pretend to look concerned and worried; as long as I could take a few minutes of time from my desk. I must say, the ideas thrown around the meeting were pretty impressive. Someone suggested that we make a big jug of Milo in the morning and inform all colleagues so they can come and drink it. I had a better suggestion, how about instead of asking people to come and get it from the pantry; we serve it in a paper cup to each of them at their desk. I don’t mind to drink a cup of iced Milo as long as someone put it on my desk.

Another colleague came up with the idea of bread with milo instead of Nutella for breakfast or teatime. I imagined warm bread with melting milo inside, topped off with condensed milk. Yummy… Again nice suggestion, but who’s going to make it? And with this-that diets and I’m too-old-for-Milo shit talk, how many of us would eat it? Nevertheless, I have been very supportive of this idea. Maybe with enough encouragement, she might make it for us one day, soon, considering the approaching expiring date. Speaking of the expiry date, someone suggested ignoring it, he said it just business shenanigans to sell products faster.  I made a mental note that very moment, never to eat anything he offered.

The last and most ridiculous idea was to throw a Milo powder party. In the office. What is a Milo party anyway? Where every food and drinks have Milo in it? In my head, it’s more like people coming to work naked with their whole body and face covered with Milo.  Even on a normal day, I don’t want to see my colleague. So yeah, I don’t want to see them more, if they are covered only with Milo.

Hence the Milogate.

For now, those who are aware of Milogate have been sworn not to drink anything other than Milo until it reaches the expiry date, including me. So, I have been sneaking out in the afternoon to drink a tall latte from a Starbucks downstairs these past weeks. I hope they won’t find out and outcast me. I still want to join the next brainstorming session.

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