Film Camera MjuII Kodak Ultramax 400 Echuca Farm Stay
Musings

5 AM Thoughts At 2 AM

Just when I started to feel a hint of nostalgia for my insomnia nights, or as I romanticised as “5 AM Thoughts“, it came for a visit. On a Monday night, when I desperately needed a goodnight sleep — after having to work 12 hours straight a few hours before — and about to take on a new task that requires me to start to work an hour earlier the next day, essentially, a few hours later.

And in case you don’t know yet, I am not a morning person.

The insomnia wasn’t a welcomed visit! Well, when is it, though?

It’s 2.36 AM now. I am tired. I should be sleeping. I tried to identify the culprit.

Is it the anxiety about the new task that I am taking on at work? Is it the stress of house hunting? Also, why do we call it house hunting — such a weird term for finding your forever place. Is it because I put too much spicy sauce on my tacos earlier? Or is this the aftereffect of the double spiked Sangria that I had with it? Is it the internalised sadness of not being able to travel for more than a year and, worse, not knowing when it will be next?

After tossing and turning for 88 minutes, I decided to give it space — to be listened to, mulled-over and recorded. Based on past experiences, writing these swirling thoughts seemed to be the only way to put it, together with my brain, to sleep.

My mind is filled with things. From winter soup to adopting a dog, from starting a tarot journal of the 78 cards in chronological order to the #100HappyDays challenge, from the narrowness of the house that we saw over the weekend to the size of the apartment we are living in, from the new work to old colleagues, from my first time in Japan to my last time in Japan, from Tynan to Beth, from filling the Indo tax to paying my future mortgage, from Parisian to witches.

Then there are things to write, books to read, food to eat and places to visit.

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Autumn
Musings

First Day of Autumn

Another March ━ the the last month of the first quarter. But also feels like I am stuck in 2020. At least it’s officially Autumn now, my favorite season of the year.

Autumn in Melbourne is all about warm cider, book+bed+blanket, trying out new soup recipes, light sweater, beautiful foliage, colourful socks, red nail-polish, home-made porridge, starting a new journal and windy sunny days.

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Musings

Kurated by Kovfefed – February 2021

I just finished Echoes by Shu-Ling Chua in one seating and spent the rest of my night going through her blog, Hello Pollyanna, archive. It was a Friday night well spent.

Starbucks Roastery Tokyo releases lucky Japanese dolls to end the pandemic in the new year.

Found a travel blog filled with beautiful pictures: The Blue Dot Prespective.

Mebourne went into a 5 day lockdown this month. Here is my day 1, 2, 3, 4 and 5 note about it and I did Adriene’s Yoga for Uncertainty the first day of it. It helped more than I anticipated.

Recipe for Sazerac, a New Orleans cocktail with a sweet and spicy bite. Yum!

Blending Japanese minimalism and Scandinavian hygge, Japandi is the latest interior design trend and I am here for it.

40000ft up in the air is the ultimate dream wedding.

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Diary

Coffee Diary 160121

It was not even 9 in the morning when I sat down in one of the empty booths in the Pancake Parlour in Melbourne Central.

All Night Long was playing on the speaker.

This place brought about tons of memories.

Comforting memories ━ of breakfast dates with Liz and Pedro, where we ordered whatever we wanted with zero judgement, planning fun weekends with Jik, of having a morning moment to myself. It’s the equivalent to the chicken rice shop near the HDB I stayed in Bishan, Singapore. These are the places I frequented in search of food and comfort by means of eating my comfort food, which varies from pancake to chicken rice.

The unicorns print mask-wearing waiter came to take my order. I went for the classic. Two pancake with ice cream on top, strips of crispy fried bacon and eggs ━ scrambled this time. She helped me to save $3.80 by giving free maple syrup. Made me glad that I didn’t put the order through the app.

Order placed, I flipped through Patti Smith’s book, Year of the Monkey. I got jealous of Ms Smith; for writing eloquently and having stayed in Japantown. Meanwhile, I struggle with basic grammar and have never been to a Japantown.

Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go was playing next. I put the book down to add it, and the song before, to my Spotify list. I apparently like (Pancake) Parlour(s) songs, a realisation that would help to break my self-limiting belief that I am not into music.

I spotted a hand-written signage:

$5 discount on hot days (above 30 degrees)

That’s not a lot, is it?

Idk how this place survives, to be honest. It’s pretty huge for a restaurant in a prime area such a Melbourne Central but each time I am here, I only see a few other patrons ━ most looks like out-of-towners (in a way, myself included).

Today was no different.

Also, coffee has never been good here. It tasted more like mocha, but the smell strangely reminded me of Japan. Then again, these days many things, anything, everything reminds me of Japan.

Only after I paid my bill and stepped out of the place, I remembered that I didn’t register for the Covid tracker.

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Seven of Swords Fifth Spirit Tarot
Tarot

Real Bird vs Tarot Bird

I was running around the neighborhood, huffing and puffing trying to clock-in my daily target of 4km, when I saw a black and white feathered bird chilling at the exact the same place I took a picture of the The Fifth Spirit Tarot’s Seven of Swords card a couple weeks earlier. And I thought to myself: another tarot imitating life moment.

Seven of Swords Fifth Spirit Tarot
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Justice Fifth Spirit Tarot
Tarot

Justice in Love

Admittedly, I “huh?“-ed when I pulled the Justice card as a part of my self-love tarot spread last week. My question was:

“What is the one kind thing I can do as an act of love for myself?”

Alas, I let them take the lead and braced myself to explore together.

The Justice in the Fifth Spirit Tarot deck is drawn as a bad ass person. I love everything about them from the expression, attitude, the down to the outfit. Did they appear to remind me of my own bad-ass-ness? To bring it out more often as an act of self-love?

I also noticed that on the scale, unlike on other Justice tarot cards I have seen ━ including the classic Rider Waite Smith, the heart weighed more than the feather. (I can’t wait for the guidebook to arrive to read the artist, Maria’s, reasoning behind this).

Justice Fifth Spirit Tarot

Are they trying to convey that heart matters more than the mind? Is it asking me to listen more to my heart instead of my mind when it comes to self-love? Or is it reminding me to balance it out since I tend to operate the other way around?

Wille of A Little Spark of Joy tarot blog said this about the Justice card in relation to love:

“(it) represents decision and choices. Do you know your worth? settling for far less than you deserve, whether single or committed, is never an option.”

Well said!

Back to the card I pulled, my attention kept going to the tattoos covering their upper body. Maybe my self-love act can be of getting the evil-eye tattoo on the same part of my body. And that my friends, is what I call wishful thinking.

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Tulips Pink Flowers Valentine
Musings

Lockdown Diary: Day 5

It’s last hour of lockdown. Making it the shortest lockdown I have experienced so far, but didn’t mean it was in any way easy or got easier.

These five days have been a constant battle of staying positive.

I couldn’t take a mental health day off today from work, nor can I anytime soon. And by the end of workday today, I felt entirely drained, like I am running on empty.

Alas, it’s almost over now. For now. This wave.

Ps. After work, I watched Contagion to wind down. Weird choice, I know. It’s a good movie, eerily similar to the current situation.

Pps. Something random, I wondered about the zoo personnel during the lockdown. Some of them still have to go to work every day to feed the caged animals. Strange time we are living in.

Ppps. Tarot card of the day was the Seven of Pentacles from the Fifth Spirit Tarot deck.

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Lockdown Diary
Musings

Lockdown Diary: Day 4

Fourth day of the lockdown. Feeling really low today. Too much going on and it feels like everything is spinning out of control. I texted Liz, asking for her therapist details. Might start on that path soon. I am also thinking to take a mental health day off from work tomorrow. Here’s to healing.

Ps. a highlight of the day was Tivoli Bakery’s ham sandwich.

Tivoli Bakery Sandwich
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Evil Eye Mug Fifth Spirit Tarot Journal
Diary

Lockdown Diary: Day 3

When I sat down for the Monday Morning meeting, the first thing discussed was the high probability of lockdown getting extended. Not a great way to start the week, eh?

I tried to push the speculative news aside, along with the thought that I most probably won’t see my parents nor go on Kumano Kodo pilgrimage this year.

Instead, I spent the day working, reading a few pages from the boring CPA textbook, running, practising yoga for runners, texting friends and gentle journaling.

Some highlights of the day include bed coffee, payday (I pulled the King of Pentacles), cozying up on the sofa with Fafa and watching The Vanishing at the Cecil Hotel on Netflix, the smell of the burning candle ━ a gift from Jik, getting a package and Wood Frog’s pumpkin seed sliced bread.

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Diary

Lockdown Diary: Day 2

Happy Valentine‘s Day! It’s the second day of the third lockdown. Gah! As soon as I typed it, I realised how polarising those two first two sentences were. Alas, both are valid.

My morning routine stays the same ━ bed coffee, morning journal and tarot cards.

Today’s card was The Hermit. I also pulled another card to honour Valentine’s day and wrote a semi-lengthy journal about it. I continued with yoga, short exercise and a 5km run at the Albert Park, which thankfully is still within the 5km limit set by the government.

We then stopped by the South Melbourne Market where I got free-range eggs, honey-lemon potion, pumpkin-seed bread, and other things to make a typical Aussie brunch menu: chill scrambled eggs on toasts with smashed-avo on the side.

I quickly prep the food back home, declaring it as Valentine’s day meal made with lots of love when I served it to Fafa. He got me a bunch of gorgeous pink tulips and pre-ordered a tarot deck (I KNOW!) for Valentine, the least I could do was to cook the man a warm meal.

After lunch, Fafa went to study to read up on his upcoming project while I did a bit of reading. Then I started watching Contagion and dozed off half-way before waking up to Fafa sitting beside me, watching the finale of Your Honor.

There is nothing much to share about the lockdown nor my feelings about it, except maybe it looks like it’s going to last more than five days which gives me a bit of anxiety. But I have decided no point in dwelling about it today and ruin my restful Sunday.

Before I leave for the day, let me share one of my favourite poetry about love by one of my favourite poet, Bianca Sparacino:

My god, I hope you find love. And I don’t just mean that in regards to someone you wrap your tired bones around at night. I mean that I hope you find love in every aspect of your life. I hope you find it tucked into early morning sunrises, and the smell of your favourite places. I hope you find it strung between the laughter you share with your friends, I hope it bounces off of you when you hug the people you care for,  I hope it swells within your ribcage whenever you hear your favourite song, or discover something that moves you. I hope you fall in love with growth, and change, and the messiness and the beauty of fucking up, and making mistakes, and becoming exactly who you want to be. I hope you find love in places that were once void of it, in places within yourself that you could have been softer to, kinder to, in the past. Because if there is one thing I have learned, it is that love is so much more than a boy, or a girl, who holds your heart. Love is everything around you. It is everything.

I truly hope you had a love filled Valentine day. Sending you virtual blessings and love 💌.

 ❥K

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